


where is my boy? (his bruised hands i must kiss)

by skyish



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, I Love Peter, M/M, No coping, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, S P O I L E R S, Spoilers, Tony hates himself whats new, for real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:03:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyish/pseuds/skyish
Summary: (Spoilers. You've been warned.)Tony sometimes forget how young Peter is.





	where is my boy? (his bruised hands i must kiss)

 

 

Tony sometimes forget how young Peter is.

It isn't hard to forget when the boy can stop a moving trunk with his bare hand, has strong muscle definition the suit embraces, or never steps away from a strong enemy like an alien spaceship.

But it's a hard, _hard_ slap across the cheek as soon as Peter's high pitched voice calls him or when he takes off his mask to reveal big puppy eyes and pinky round cheeks.

  
Peter stumbles like a toddler in his arms, legs already fading into thin air and the boy is holding his shoulders so hard Tony knows they'll be bruised.

 _Good_. He deserves the pain.

  
He catches him as best as he can, because Tony promised himself since the day Peter fell and crashed with a burning plane that he should be there to catch him every time.  
But how is he supposed to keep his promise if there's no boy to catch?

He hugs him tight, chest pressed together, until he has no choice but to lie him down on the ground for he can no longer stand.  
_It's not a hug, I'm just grabbing the door for you,_ he remembers telling him and Tony wants to throw his arc reactor away for allowing this to be their last and only hug. He regrets all the time he repressed the urge to hug the teen. He regrets a lot of things when it comes down to Peter.

The hands on his shoulders slide down to his torso, then to his wrists, and Tony fumbles to hold the shivering teen's hands in a tight grip. His fingers are so tiny, along his, skin all red and bruised. Compared to them, Peter is a  _baby_. A fucking sixteen year-old baby gasping for air and afraid to die. A sixteen year-old _Tony_ has sent _to die_ on the battle field.

  
It's unfair. Why the stones chose to wipe Spiderman's existence away from the universe, out of trillions of lives, when he was the most worthy to live on? It's unfair how Peter turned into dust before Tony had the chance to tell him how he loved him. How he never meant those times he'd complain about Spiderman being too reckless and always in need of a chaperone. 

He'll never be able to forget how Peter died without someone telling him _I love you_.

 

(when he comes back on earth, thanks to the help of the blue creature called Nebula, the remaining avengers ask about what happened on Titan.

"what about the spider boy?" Steve's tone is hesitant, as if he noticed earlier how on edge Stark was. 

he doesn't answer. can't bring himself to say those words because that would be mean giving them a real dimension, giving them too much meaning. and there's no more meaning with Peter gone.

Steve closes his eyes and bit his lips. behind him, Natasha's staring at her feet and Bucky inhales loudly. Tony can't help but wonder if the man is reminded of all the way too young soldiers he has encountered during the war.)

 

Peter gasps, blinks fast, sobs as he takes in what is occurring. The Guardians are gone. Doctor Strange is gone. Vanished into the air. All gone.

Tony can't accept the fact that Peter will be gone, too.

Thanos has won. Thanos has won, and _they lost._

He lost. (He lost Peter. He lost everything.)

Peter keeps saying he doesn't want to go, begging for him to help and Tony —shit, Tony's heart is fucking ripped apart.

It strikes him once again, fat tears finding refuge in the corners of Peter's wide eyes, how young he is. How Tony is responsible for introducing him to a much bigger danger than being the friendly neighbourhood's hero. The little Spiderman loved by many, who just wanted to help and couldn't let someone die on his watch, innocent or not.  
Tony will be responsible for breaking May's life, the boy's aunt probably still waiting for him to come back home. It was supposed to be a school trip. _It was supposed to be a fucking school trip._

"Mr. Stark," Peter hiccups, "I'm sorry".

The small teenager in his arms suddenly isn't the next second, and Tony panics because no _no no no no no, not him, not my son._ He grabs the flying dust and trips onto the floor, where Peter used to be.

 

("where is he?" Tony isn't brave enough to meet May's hardening glare. "where is my boy?"

this is a question he tortures his soul with every night. and he wished he had an answer to give.

"he hasn't come home in days, Mr. Stark," aunt May gulps and the emotion is so raw Tony wants to leave this place. this planet. "he's probably hungry and cold."

he won't, Tony wants to say, but he doesn't trust his voice not to betray him.

"he's... his... is this about the aliens that attacked the city?"

silence.

"get out of my apartment."

he does, not without asking himself _where is my boy?_ )

 

It's forever carved into his brain, how young the boy was when he faced Thanos, a mighty creature. How young and loyal he was when he didn't even question Tony and did what he ordered.

He was just a boy. Too young. Too willing. Peter shouldn't even have been here in the first place.

Tony wished he'd be gone too.

His heart serves no purpose if there's no Peter to beat for.  
His arms are useless if he can't stop him from falling.

There's the remembrance of the weight of dust in his palm where Peter's bruised knuckles used to rest. He didn't get the time to kiss them.

Tony washes his hands religiously but he can still feel the boy's blood.

He just wished he'd be gone.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This move hurts me every single day. I asked for one thing and that was no to hurt my boy.  
> Fuck you stupid purple twat.


End file.
